Going Back To Work

Tomorrow is my first day back at work. I’m worrying about it of course, but I am itching to get back to work. To feel the exhaustion and sore muscles after hard day’s work. There is nothing like it… And I love it.

My employers are awesome and extremely supportive, so I’m not too worried about being picked on for taking two and a half weeks off work. I am worried about the questions about why I was in the hospital. But I’ve got vague answers figured out that will hopefully satisfy them.

I finally have my routine sorted out again, which brings me to another topic. While I was in the hospital, I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). That is why I have to have my day planned down to the minute and can’t be changed. If it does get changed, I have a panic attack.

They also believe that I am on autism spectrum. I don’t think I am, but apparently I show a lot of signs. OCD being one of them. I’m not quite sure how I feel about that, but I haven’t been diagnosed with it so I don’t have to worry. Yet…

It’s not that I don’t want to be diagnosed autistic, but rather it would bring a whole view of myself. I don’t think I can handle one more thing to cope with right now. I don’t think I am severely autistic, but it would make sense why I have issues in social settings. Maybe it’s not just my anxiety. Maybe the anxiety is caused by the autism.

Anyways, I just wanted to get some things off my chest before I tried to sleep. Most likely I will be laying awake all night with my racing thoughts. I will try to sleep nevertheless. So… Goodnight everybody!

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Vests

Ok so the worst thing that could happen to a service dog team is that the vest get ruined. That is for me… Other than my dog getting hurt or sick… Anyways, I came home from work today and discovered that one of the straps on Keen’s vest has been severed. 

Oh man was I mad… Mainly because I have no idea how it happened. It looked like someone had cut it with a knife. So, I messaged the owner of the program we went through to get him and she said that it will cost just as much as if I got all the stuff myself. When you com phone the price of the patches and the vest it adds up to about $100.

I have that money, but I really need it by tomorrow. So, we decided to wait on getting a new vest and just see if we can get it repaired. That makes me even more… Anxious, itchy, something. I seem to have developed a bit OCD and the fact that I will be repairing the vest makes me just want to bawl.

Yes, no one will probably even notice it, but I will know and see it every time. I am over the moon with anxiety. I don’t know what my this is making me panic. It is a very small thing, but then again anxiety isn’t always rational…