I am currently in a sticky situation. I accepted a job offer and now they seem to be a bit sketchy. I’ve got an unsettling gut feeling that I should back out, but can’t seem to. I tried to let the lady down easy, but she is not accepting my resignation. Now I’m in too deep to back out. Not quite sure what to do.

I think I am just going to fulfill my last duties and then pull out. I really don’t feel comfortable continuing with this job. They are out of state and they only want to converse via text, and their number keeps changing. See? Really sketchy and unsettling to continue. The only thing is they have invested in me a little bit, so I can’t back out now. I’ll wait another day.

Ugh! Why can’t I just say no? I mean, come on! Haven’t I learned my lesson already? Not saying “no” has gotten me into so many jams. I hate that I feel the need to please everybody. It’s so stupid and such a waste of my time. Geez… This is just one more jam I’ve gotten into because of it. ARG!

Anyways, I thought I’d let you guys know what is going on in my miserable life. I will sign off now and wish you all a goodnight.


Sleep… Why do you hide?

Oh my gosh… I probably had the most productive day in a while. I went to town this morning then went on a 5 hour ride with my dad on his Harlley. When we got back, we went to dinner with some family friends until 8 pm. I thought I’d be exhausted, but I can’t SLEEP!

The reason I probably can’t sleep is because I have been sleeping for five days straight. My mom thinks it’s probably because my liver is still healing and my vacation was not all that relaxing. So I am also catching up on the sleep i should have gotten. Boring, but apparently necessary.

I’m also stressing about going to live with my aunt. I don’t know how long I’ll be there, but at least a few months. With that in mind, I will have to get a job in order to continue to feed Noble. I’m a little nervous, but still looking forward to it. I need to get out of this house. I just keep falling back into a dark place.

Job Interviews and Spring Cleaning

Yup… That is what I am doing today. I’ve got a couple job interviews and I’m doing a bit of spring cleaning. So, nothing fun. One of the interviews is going to be a ride along for a paper route. I’m really hoping to get that job so I can maybe do the route on my bike.

I have been bike 20 miles every day lately. I have been loving it. It’s  good distraction from life because it doesn’t cost anything to do. I don’t have to worry about gas, just if I am hydrating enough. The only thing is that I can’t find the leash attachment to my bike, so I can’t take Noble with me. I’m thinking that I could just make a leash that will work till I can afford another one.

Other than the interviews, bike riding, and cleaning, I haven’t been doing much. I am still recovering from my most recent overdose. It has nearly destroyed my kidneys and damaged my liver. So, I’m having weekly blood draws to check my liver and kidney functions. Yippee… My arms are all bruised up because of how many blood draws I’ve had…

I’m a Trainer!

I have been officially hired to be a dog trainer. That is a personal dog trainer. There is a lady that I met at one of the support groups, that was wanting help to train her dog as a service dog. I had Noble at the group, so she asked if I would help her.

She can’t pay me much, but I felt that I needed to help her out. Honestly, I am so excited. She is at the stage that I know how to train. She has an eight week old puppy that isn’t even potty trained. Noble is now six months old, and I have gone through the terrible phase of potty training and crate training.

I am not officially a dog trainer, but I still know how to train a dog. Especially a service dog. In fact, I think that my standards are too high for just a pet. I do better with task training. Perfect for service dogs or any working dog for that fact.

I’m starting to think that I should get some business cards, because I have been getting stopped a lot by people wanting me to do something with a service dog. I got stopped by a guy, in the middle of an intersection, who wanted me to take care of his service dog while he was in Europe. I’m starting to think that I might have to go part time with my painting job. I don’t want to, but current events are making it difficult to have a full-time job with a side business.

Anyways, that’s the good news that has happened the past couple weeks. I will wait till Tuesday to give you the bad news. It’s just too much to bear at the moment.

Lots of Contemplating

When I’m at work, I write future blog posts in my head while I’m working. I really wish there was some kind of app that would type out your thoughts because I can never remember what I came up with. Occasionally, I’ll have a moment to write out the subject of the post and a little bit of content. 

But by the time I get home and get ready to write, I have now idea what the phrases or titles mean. I had written quite a few interesting posts in my head today… Bummer that I can’t share them with you. Maybe I will end up thinking the same thing later. Oh well…

Today was a good day despite me getting sunburned again and there being a screw up with the stain color this morning. I didn’t miss Keen quite as much. I still did, but it wasn’t overwhelming. It was quiet at work because there were only three of us today. I embraced it being the introvert that I am.

My brother in law and I are both introverted so when we stay later than everyone else, we don’t say anything. We even turn off the radio a so that we can actually think. When my boss comes in to tell us to start cleaning up, it usually scares me because I am so deep in thought.

I seem to have gotten my second wind (or fourth or six). I have come to terms once again with the loss of Keen (turning out to be a weekly thing), and ready to start the training of Noble, my new puppy. I don’t have him yet, but we are hopefully gonna see the puppies again this week. I’m excited. They will probably be twice the size they were two weeks ago.

I am probably gonna go to bed now so I will hopefully write again tomorrow. Otherwise, you will hear from me Thursday. I am sticking to my plan of writing Monday’s and Thursday’s. I think that was the plan…. Oh well, it is now. And of course there is always the option of me writing more often (like this week), but Monday’s and Thursday’s are definite.

My First Road Trip

Well… It’s Labor Day weekend and I’m gonna take my little sister with me on a roadtrip. This will be my first one on my own and in my truck. I am excited… But I’m mostly terrified. There are so many things that could go wrong. I have been having issues with my inertia switch and fuel pump relay to the point my truck won’t start. 

We replaced everything and I have one had one incident, but the fact that it is likely to happen is terrifying. I don’t want to be stranded at some gas station an hour from home. I don’t have to go, but my mom is right in saying that I need to go. For me. I need to know that I can. 

Since Keen has been gone, I find myself doing more things out of my comfort zone than when I had him. I guess Keen kind of prevented me from getting better because I was always afraid of what he might do. I am actually a smidgen more confident that I have been in years. I actually talk to people… But that is another post for another day. 

I have to get to work, but I will make sure and let you guys know  how things go on Monday. I am going to try and always write on Mondays and Thursday. At least… Starting next week because I just realized it’s not Thursday… Oh well.

Exciting News!!

First of all… I start my new job tomorrow. I am so freaking excited. I will be working with my brother in law and he has been so amazing. He has been helping adjust to my temporary life with out a service dog. To ease my anxieties, he showed me where I will be working, where I will park, what I will be doing, when my lunch break is, and so on. I really love that guy. 

The awesome thing is that his supervisor has put him in charge of my training. Now that is a total God thing. I know God has got my back. He will never let me be alone and confused. I know that my brother in law will take good care of me. I think that the only reason that my parents are allowing me to follow through with this job is because he is there.

In other fantastic news, I got a puppy. He was born Saturday, so I won’t get to take him home till October 1st. The fact that I was able to find one is a miracle in itself because everybody around here won’t have pups ready till the spring. My dad new a guy who breed labs from his cadaver and search and rescue dogs. He looked him up and sure enough, he had four available pups. 

This is the whole litter and the momma. She had thirteen pups I think. They kind of look like hairy piglets right now, but they will get cuter as they age. It seems that something good did come out of this tragedy with Keen. It’s true when they say that when one door closes, God opens two more. He sure did that for me. I still have to quit my job at the kennel tomorrow, so I’m praying that goes well. I will let you know how tomorrow goes whether it be that night or the following one.