Ugh… I am so frustrated with life at the moment. My stupid headache won’t go away and I have to wait till wednesday to get a change in presription. I am having to take off a lot of work because of it and my paycheck is getting smaller and smaller.

I just want to scream at the top of my lungs with no judgement. My family is moving and plan to be out of here by the end of the week. So, I’ll be left alone at the house till the end of February or I get my own place. I’m hoping for the latter, but I don’t know if I trust myself.

I’m not in a good place right now. With this crap going on in my head all the time, I’m leanig towards ending it all. At the same time, I am still able to pull myself from th edge. But it’s becoming a daily battle.

I am gonna have to tell my doc… ugh. I hate admitting to this stuff. I feel so weak…


Missing Work… Again

Aww yes…. The wonderful world of chronic pain. Having to take multiple days off work, which causes a shortage of funds in my bank account. It’s stupid and unfair. The worst thing is that my boss thinks that I’m just bailing on work because I’ve called in sick for “just” a headache.

What most people don’t understand is that I have a headache every day. So, sometimes, my headaches get so bad that I can’t walk. Other days, I am just third of pushing through my regular headaches, so I stay home and get some much needed rest.

My anxiety prevents me from getting the rest I need because I’m too busy worrying about what my boss thinks…. All in all, I don’t win either way. If you didn’t pick up on it by now, I am currently incapacitated at home. I have made the stupid decision to sit down and stare at a screen that aggravates my headache.

Right now, this is the only thing I can think of to help me work through my anxieties. Why not share my misfortunes with people that might actually understand, right? People say that they can’t imagine living day to day with constant pain. So, they don’t even bother. Seems kind of backward to me, but whatever… So be it.

The Week of Head Pain

Well… I am so sorry for not writing this week. I have had a terrible week. Monday was ok, but I had a little bit of a headache. On Tuesday, I got a migraine and took my first sick day in my whole work career. I was at work for two hours before I had a mental breakdown and went home.

When I got home, I ran down to my room and started seizing… Ugh. Funny thing is that my dad’s dog just happened to be home and she started doing what Keen was trained to do. It’s pretty cool how other dogs will pick up on other dogs’ training. Attie, my dad’s dog, picked up on Keen’s training and saved me from a week of sore… Everything.

Wednesday, I still had my migraine, but it was manageable. Working a full ten hours lifting and running while you are also trying to work through head pain, takes it out of you. So, I just fell right to sleep when I got home. Thursday was probably the worst day of the week though.

We were unloading some of the drying racks from the day before, and I was feeling pretty good. I had bent down to make sure the ends were square and jumped up to get out of the way. What I didn’t know was that one of the stacks next to the one we were stacking, had a bit of over hang. So, when I jumped up, I smacked my head on the boards above me.

My head was vibrating for about fifteen minutes, and I knew I got a concussion. But I made the stupid decision to keep going. I was planning to work a full ten hours again, but left an hour early because of the pain. It was one of the worst headaches I ever had. 

This one wasn’t concentrated in my left eye, so I knew it was because of my whack to the head. By the time I got home, it felt like my head was about to explode and I could only speak in a whisper without it hurting. So I told my mom what happened and I took some Tylenol and then laid down on the couch with an ice pack over my eyes.

I also took yesterday off from work to recover, and I just slept. All day long. I actually didn’t think I was gonna be able to sleep, but I did. So, you now know of my terrible week. I’ve just got one more week to go until I get Noble, and this little guy in the picture below is officially him! I am scrambling to get all the stuff I need for him, but it seems to all be working out pretty well. I’m excited.