Job Interviews and Spring Cleaning

Yup… That is what I am doing today. I’ve got a couple job interviews and I’m doing a bit of spring cleaning. So, nothing fun. One of the interviews is going to be a ride along for a paper route. I’m really hoping to get that job so I can maybe do the route on my bike.

I have been bike 20 miles every day lately. I have been loving it. It’s  good distraction from life because it doesn’t cost anything to do. I don’t have to worry about gas, just if I am hydrating enough. The only thing is that I can’t find the leash attachment to my bike, so I can’t take Noble with me. I’m thinking that I could just make a leash that will work till I can afford another one.

Other than the interviews, bike riding, and cleaning, I haven’t been doing much. I am still recovering from my most recent overdose. It has nearly destroyed my kidneys and damaged my liver. So, I’m having weekly blood draws to check my liver and kidney functions. Yippee… My arms are all bruised up because of how many blood draws I’ve had…

Struggling

I am still really struggling… It appears that I’ve been released from the State Hospital too soon. I have relapsed. I went to my second doctor’s appointment and ended up having one of my episodes. In my delirium afterwards, I had confessed my plans to commit suicide again. So, I was sent to the ER once again Monday afternoon.

The good thing is that Noble was there, so everybody got to see him in action. The sad thing is, they got to see him in action… Apparently they didn’t let him do exactly what he was supposed to until Papa came. He then just let him go. He did exactly what he was supposed to do. He gave me Deep Pressure Therapy and then licked my face until I came to. I was so tickled to hear that.

Anyways, I was admitted to what is called the Hope House. It’s a short-term live in facility for people who are suicidal. I was told that I wouldn’t be allowed to because my conversion disorder is considered medical. They don’t have medical staff at the Hope House. The crisis evaluator ended up setting it up to get me into the Hope House.

Sure enough, I had three episodes the next morning, and they sent me to the ER. Very frustrating to wake up in the ER with two IVs, and people yelling at me to stay awake when I so badly want to sleep. They apparently called my mom to let her know I was in the ER and my mom chewed them out. My seizures don’t cause brain damage, so I don’t need to go to the ER after every one.

They got the message after that and I had some more seizures the next day. I didn’t end up in the ER. Yay! I was actually getting really frustrated because it took three days for me to be seen by one person. Wednesday was a really bad day. U was struggling with suicidal thoughts. No fun.

Then, I had another episode last night and I fell out of a chair. My episode only lasted 5 minutes instead of 15, but I ended up getting a concussion when I fell. I am always pretty confused after my episodes, but I never remember the confusion. This time though, I was so confused. It was scary. I ended up in another seizure after that.

I didn’t come back from the ER until 11 PM last night, and staff had me sleep on the couch so that they could keep an eye on me. I didn’t sleep very well, so I’m probably gonna go back to bed. In my room this time on a bed… I will probably take some Klonopin to help me sleep and with the anxiety.

Committed (Part 2)

16a064c76cdd76c04b44374690f41f47On my first day of being at the State Hospital, I met with a lot of doctors. They do a full medical work up when you first come to make sure you’re physically healthy. The docs soon learned I was a difficult case. My TBI proved to be a complication in my mental health treatment… Yippee…

It was a lot of trial and error on finding the correct treatment, but eventually found one that kind of worked. The psych doc changed all my meds and upped them of couple times. I spent the first four days hiding out in my room. I had four of my episodes my first night, so my mattress was on the floor. Not very comfy.

The only reason I did come out was because a fellow peer dragged me out of my room. I’m an introvert and she is an extrovert, so we worked perfectly together. She talked and I listened. It may not seem like that is much of a change, but it got me out of my dark room and out among people.

I didn’t converse with anyone but my new friend, D. She of course talked with everybody, so I just kind of became her shadow and observed. Eventually, I became comfortable enough to make small talk with a couple new people. I hate small talk, so that took a lot for me to do.

It’s amazing how sane places like that can make you seem. There were quite a few delusional people who thought they were in the FBI, or whatever. But the craziest thing was that other people were actually believing their stories. That lead to complications in the gullible patients because they became convinced that the hospital was just a safe house. They believed they were in a safe house because the patient that claimed to be FBI, said they were just getting paperwork ready for witness protection for all of us.

Oh my gosh… I couldn’t help but laugh to myself…

Please help me out financially with my medical bills HERE. If you want to know how Noble’s training is going, follow my blog Noble Devotion.

Committed (Part One)

You have probably guessed by my previous post that I have been in the hospital for the past month. After being released in March, I went back after near attempt at suicide again. I packed up all my things and drove the two hours to the psych hospital.

After being in the psych unit for a week, I was not getting any better. I continued to isolate and still had the urge to kill myself. That was when my provider and I decided that the best option was for me to be committed to the state hospital. I was at peace with that decision and had to go to court before I was sent off in handcuffs to the hospital.

I was absolutely terrified of what it would be like. You here a lot of horror stories about the state hospital in the psych unit. There was one patient in the psych unit that prepared me for what it was really like. She even gave me her contact information to call her if I got scared or confused. I was so touched.

Once I arrived at the hospital, I got entered into the system, showered, and walked up to the unit I would be in. When I first walked in, I realized that it was no different from the psych unit (It was actually a little better). There were two TVs with couches and tables. Our rooms had a sink, and a closet with a desk attached to the wall. The beds were so comfy and you could open your window.

They brought me something to eat since I arrived at 8pm. Their food was terrible, but still edible. When you were really hungry, the food was a delicacy (Not that rare of an occurance). They gave me my meds through a little window in the med room door. I thought it was actually kind fun (I’m weird that way).

The best part was that you could turn off all your lights. In the psych unit, they had a “night-light” in the rooms that were more like an artificial sun. I must have the room dark in order to sleep, so I was able to get another hour or two of sleep that night…

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Hospitalized Again

THIS POST MAY BE TRIGGERING

I was hospitalized again, but this time it was because I had attempted suicide. I parked in a parking lot and overdosed, only to have the sheriff find me and take me to the ER. The drugs I took thickened my blood and caused everthing to slow down. I had to be given a blood thinner shot in the stomach twice a day and intubated for 24 hours.

I was in the ICU for 4 days before I was cleared medically and moved down to general. Two days after that, I was ambulanced to another hospital two hours away. There, I was admitted to the psych ward and was there for a week before being discharged two days after my birthday. Yup… I spent my birthday in the psych ward. The suckiest birthday yet.

Due to the complexity of my case with the conversion disorder, they were threatening to send me to the state hospital. The staff there were terrified of seizures after a bad night of seizing on and off for six hours. I woke up to my bed on the floor and pillows around my mattress.

It really sucks when the hospital says you’re too crazy for them to handle to the point of shipping me off to another hospital six hours away. I said that it was stupid and that I would much rather be discharged. They wouldn’t let me discharge either because I was brought in by the cops and not voluntarily. So, I had to stay a little while longer.

Then my conversion disorder continued getting worse to the point of messing with my ability to walk. I have had that happen before where one of my legs would go completely numb. That made me a fall risk and they threatenedto put me in seclusion, so I told them they might as wellIMG_1226 discharge me because this will only progress. So they did.

Now I’m at home with absolutely no help. I was told to continue treatment through this mental health center, but I missed a crucial appointment while I was hospitalized. The best part? They apparently have no record of the appointment. So, I don’t know what to do. I’m initially screwed. I’ve got no where to go… Ugh!
One positive thing though! I got a new hair cut and I love it!

The Bad Stuff…

I promised to fill you guys in on the bad stuff going on today, so here goes… 

The majority of it is finances. The cost to stay in the psych hospital in $10,000 a day and I was there for ten days with two ER trips and an EEG. So I have some pretty big bills coming my way. I had my social working on getting me some health insurance, but just found out I don’t qualify for any that she can find. Stupid.

Now I have started the process of finding and applying to health insurance companies that I can find. So, in swamped with paperwork. While I was about to print some crucial information for my applications, our printer crashed. Now I have to find some way to finish the application before time runs out.

I am still looking for a place of my own, so I have been picking up even more applications for the past couple weeks. The only thing is that I have to get Noble licensed by the city. I didn’t know I had to. I went online to get him licensed, but turns out that my town still uses snail mail. I sent his paperwork out today, but it will probably be a while.

It is way past my bedtime, so I’m gonna leave it at that and call it a night. I will pick up where I left off on Thursday. 

I’m a Trainer!

I have been officially hired to be a dog trainer. That is a personal dog trainer. There is a lady that I met at one of the support groups, that was wanting help to train her dog as a service dog. I had Noble at the group, so she asked if I would help her.

She can’t pay me much, but I felt that I needed to help her out. Honestly, I am so excited. She is at the stage that I know how to train. She has an eight week old puppy that isn’t even potty trained. Noble is now six months old, and I have gone through the terrible phase of potty training and crate training.

I am not officially a dog trainer, but I still know how to train a dog. Especially a service dog. In fact, I think that my standards are too high for just a pet. I do better with task training. Perfect for service dogs or any working dog for that fact.

I’m starting to think that I should get some business cards, because I have been getting stopped a lot by people wanting me to do something with a service dog. I got stopped by a guy, in the middle of an intersection, who wanted me to take care of his service dog while he was in Europe. I’m starting to think that I might have to go part time with my painting job. I don’t want to, but current events are making it difficult to have a full-time job with a side business.

Anyways, that’s the good news that has happened the past couple weeks. I will wait till Tuesday to give you the bad news. It’s just too much to bear at the moment.