Just Want To Sleep…

Today… I am writing because I am bored out of my mind. I am staying at my grandparent’s to build a prototypeof a business idea I have. I am here till tuesday and running out of things to do. I have almost completed the skeleton of my idea, but have to wait on some parts in order to continue.

I have kept this idea stored in my mind for so long, I don’t want to stop. I am actually seeing it work out. I have pitched my business plan to a couple people and they all really liked it. I am getting a lot of support now and help to make it come to life.

I thought my business plan was one of those that you keep thinking about, but never get around to doing. Boy was I wrong. When I first started, I had no idea how I was gonna start. It’s like me and sketching…

It takes me so long to actually get started, that I eventually forget and never do it. I was challenged by a relative to follow through with my plan and to see what happens. So far, I am so excited to start getting it manufactured. It will probably take me a while before I can because I have to get some sort of patent.

I don’t know how long that takes… I’m really praying it goes quickly. I have thought about selling my idea to get the money up front, but decided to sell it myself. I have plans for the money that I will make from it. For a good cause, mind you.


Noble is still hard at work…

I have already taken my night meds about four hours ago, but they aren’t working
yet. Sometimes my mind is running so fast, that it overpowers the meds. Hate it when it happens, but it happens. That’s when I’m left staring blankly at a wall thinking about… Everything.

Tonight, though, I decided to put my mind to work and do some blogging. I apologize for the lack of posts. The past couple months, I have been in and out of hospitals for multiple reasons. Anyways, thought I might let you know I’m not dead… Good thing, too.


Job Interviews and Spring Cleaning

Yup… That is what I am doing today. I’ve got a couple job interviews and I’m doing a bit of spring cleaning. So, nothing fun. One of the interviews is going to be a ride along for a paper route. I’m really hoping to get that job so I can maybe do the route on my bike.

I have been bike 20 miles every day lately. I have been loving it. It’s  good distraction from life because it doesn’t cost anything to do. I don’t have to worry about gas, just if I am hydrating enough. The only thing is that I can’t find the leash attachment to my bike, so I can’t take Noble with me. I’m thinking that I could just make a leash that will work till I can afford another one.

Other than the interviews, bike riding, and cleaning, I haven’t been doing much. I am still recovering from my most recent overdose. It has nearly destroyed my kidneys and damaged my liver. So, I’m having weekly blood draws to check my liver and kidney functions. Yippee… My arms are all bruised up because of how many blood draws I’ve had…

The Week of Head Pain

Well… I am so sorry for not writing this week. I have had a terrible week. Monday was ok, but I had a little bit of a headache. On Tuesday, I got a migraine and took my first sick day in my whole work career. I was at work for two hours before I had a mental breakdown and went home.

When I got home, I ran down to my room and started seizing… Ugh. Funny thing is that my dad’s dog just happened to be home and she started doing what Keen was trained to do. It’s pretty cool how other dogs will pick up on other dogs’ training. Attie, my dad’s dog, picked up on Keen’s training and saved me from a week of sore… Everything.

Wednesday, I still had my migraine, but it was manageable. Working a full ten hours lifting and running while you are also trying to work through head pain, takes it out of you. So, I just fell right to sleep when I got home. Thursday was probably the worst day of the week though.

We were unloading some of the drying racks from the day before, and I was feeling pretty good. I had bent down to make sure the ends were square and jumped up to get out of the way. What I didn’t know was that one of the stacks next to the one we were stacking, had a bit of over hang. So, when I jumped up, I smacked my head on the boards above me.

My head was vibrating for about fifteen minutes, and I knew I got a concussion. But I made the stupid decision to keep going. I was planning to work a full ten hours again, but left an hour early because of the pain. It was one of the worst headaches I ever had. 

This one wasn’t concentrated in my left eye, so I knew it was because of my whack to the head. By the time I got home, it felt like my head was about to explode and I could only speak in a whisper without it hurting. So I told my mom what happened and I took some Tylenol and then laid down on the couch with an ice pack over my eyes.

I also took yesterday off from work to recover, and I just slept. All day long. I actually didn’t think I was gonna be able to sleep, but I did. So, you now know of my terrible week. I’ve just got one more week to go until I get Noble, and this little guy in the picture below is officially him! I am scrambling to get all the stuff I need for him, but it seems to all be working out pretty well. I’m excited.

Doing What I Do

Well… I forgot that I’m taking my ACT tomorrow until I got my reminder. Now I am stressing. Then I found out that the same weekend I’m getting my puppy, Noble, some of my family is going to be staying with us for a big conference that we are all going to. Yeah… Now I’m really stressing.

It will be a change to get used to having a puppy in the house again and having to potty train and everything. I do not want there to be a chance that I won’t have an escape. I’m not sure how that first weekend is gonna go. I have a feeling that I will have a mental breakdown or two… And me crying myself to sleep at night.

I’m not looking forward to it. Really truly. I intend on going to this conference, but probably for only part of it. The conference is going to last from the 23rd to the 25th, and they last the whole day. They are cut into three sections during the day, so I will probably only have a chance to go to one. I don’t want to leave Noble in a kennel all day.

Although, he will mainly be in his kennel for the next month during potty training. He will also have a limited access to water… I am gonna have to “puppy proof” the house… Again. Oh but I cannot wait. The day could not come sooner. I need a dog. I do not do well without a dog. Whether it be a service dog or just a pet. I just have to have that relationship.

I have some last minute studying to do, so I should probably get to it. I will probably just be skimming through the bullet points on how to strategically work through the problems. Ugh… I love taking tests, but I do not like it when they sneak up on me… AT ALL.

3 Weeks Old!

The puppies are three weeks old now! Just one more week and we will be able to snuggle and play with them! I have finally decided on the name Noble for my dog. It turns out that I will be getting him on September 23rd instead of October.


The breeder said that he sends them to their homes at seven weeks instead of eight because they will just be outside the last week anyway. I am praying that the next few weeks go by quickly because I’m really struggling. It’s getting harder to wake up in the morning without Keen’s big nose in my face, and tail thumping.

The only thing that’s keeping me going is getting all the stuff I need to have before I take Noble home. Whenever I see Keen’s old vest, I can’t help but start bawling. This grieving for Keen has turned out to be harder than I thought. I thought I could easily get over it. Easily be able to forget him, but I now know that will never be possible. You easily forget your first service dog.

Your first one is what you will most likely compare all of your other ones to. I never understood why some people never get the same breed twice. You can never forget your first. I know that I can train this dog, but my confidence in myself fluctuates so much, so often. Thankfully my parents are willing to help me out, and keep my head in the right place.

I don’t know how this is gonna turn out… But I keep praying.

Ruff Ruff ROUGH Day

When you owner train, or even get a service dog trained through a program, you may end up with that HORRIBLE decision to wash the dog out. I am currently facing that decision with Keen. 

My family is dog sitting a collie/Rottweiler mix for a friend, and he is the sweetest thing. The problem is that he has a bad habit of chasing things. EVERYTHING. If something makes a noise or it gets suspiciously quiet, he feels the need to chase… Something. Anything that moves.

So, our dogs have started some bad habits as well. Keen is already a very cautious dog, so when you add paranoia into the mix… It’s not good. I knew he was getting bad when he decided to chase ATV that was across the street. So, I started cracking down and had to put on the shock collar whenever he went out.

This morning, I had finished a very hot and boring shift at work. I had a headache, nausea, and exhausted. Keen had been in a kennel for two and a half hours, so I let him out of my truck and told him to go potty. That was where ai went wrong. I forgot about Keen’s paranoia and tendency to chase things. 

He got about ten feet away from me when he saw our neighbor out. I knew there was going to be a terrible outcome. Sure enough. Keen bit my neighbor on the leg and he had to fight Keen off with a gas can. I was devastated… And angry. I couldn’t believe he did that. And with his VEST ON!! That is a BIG no no.

I called my dad in a panic and he called my neighbor. He wasn’t hurt at all. Keen just scared him because he wasn’t acting like his usual self. The closest Keen has ever gotten to biting someone was giving a low rumble. Oh my gosh… I am utterly speechless.

I was crying on and off today,vSo my migraine is a lot worse and is now impairing my vision. I know that that was the last straw. It wouldn’t have been as big of a deal if he didn’t have his vest on. But he did. I am so terribly devastated. Just the thought of me having to rehoming him is just too much to bear. 

My parents say just wait and see if Keen’s behavior changes when the dog we are dog sitting goes home. But I know that was the last straw. I just can’t trust him anymore. Ugh… My heart is literally breaking. 

Made it…

Well, I made it back home lastnight. I was so exhausted that I fell asleep at six o’clock and then slept till eight this morning. I do not do well on vacation. Especially now that I have a service dog and have to worry about him. Keen is happy to be home too. I got up and fed him at eight and then got myself some breakfast. After a while, I realized that I hadn’t seen Keen for a bit and called him and called. I then go down to my room and find curled up (on my side of the bed) and asleep. 

I have my last grooms this week since I quit grooming. I left for vacation with only two grooms to do this week and come back to find that my boss “forgot” that she had schedule five more for this week. It’s that kind of thing that made me quit. She never tells me when she is scheduling grooms. It’s really sad when the best bargaining chip your boss has is, “Well I can just ask you if you want to work.” Yes. She seriously said that.

Anyways, I met with the lady, Deb, that owns the program that I got Keen through and I didn’t get any good news. I had asked her a couple weeks ago if I could use her as a reference for a job that was dog related, so she knew I was looking for a new job. I walked in a she asked if I got the job that I used her for and I said no. Then she said that my boss called her and the day I quit and said, “Do you know of any groomers in my area? Because Abbie just quit on me.” 

My boss that Deb have known each other for a while because Keen’s trainer, Emily, worked for both of them. I then had to explain to Deb the reasons why I quit the grooming. She did not ask for an explanation, but I had a feeling that there was a kind of “I will see what I can do to get her to reconsider” vibe going on. Deb was very understanding once she heard my side of the story.

After that, we got to talking about my job options. I told her that one of my biggest worries is how Keen is gonna be able to do his job while I’m doing my job. So, she started working with Keen and he did his growling thing. I was worried when he started doing that, but she said it’s just him talking. It was really funny watching her work with him. It was like they were having a real conversation. 

To sum up the long conversation we had on my job options… I’m screwed. I have no experience in the kind of area I want to go in, so I won’t/can’t get hired. My other otion is to start up the bed bug detection business with my dad, but we had talked about it for a while now and he made it clear that he won’t be pursuing it for a couple years. So that’s out of the question. My only option is to go to college.

College. There it is again. All it makes me want to do is scream. Now that I have quit the grooming part of my job, I will only be making enough for me to pay my car insurance, phone bill, and half a tank of gas. I’m basically out of a job. How am I going to afford college? I don’t even think I will qualify for a loan because I don’t have any credit. Ugh. I. Am. Screwed. Back at square… Zero.