I’m a Trainer!

I have been officially hired to be a dog trainer. That is a personal dog trainer. There is a lady that I met at one of the support groups, that was wanting help to train her dog as a service dog. I had Noble at the group, so she asked if I would help her.

She can’t pay me much, but I felt that I needed to help her out. Honestly, I am so excited. She is at the stage that I know how to train. She has an eight week old puppy that isn’t even potty trained. Noble is now six months old, and I have gone through the terrible phase of potty training and crate training.

I am not officially a dog trainer, but I still know how to train a dog. Especially a service dog. In fact, I think that my standards are too high for just a pet. I do better with task training. Perfect for service dogs or any working dog for that fact.

I’m starting to think that I should get some business cards, because I have been getting stopped a lot by people wanting me to do something with a service dog. I got stopped by a guy, in the middle of an intersection, who wanted me to take care of his service dog while he was in Europe. I’m starting to think that I might have to go part time with my painting job. I don’t want to, but current events are making it difficult to have a full-time job with a side business.

Anyways, that’s the good news that has happened the past couple weeks. I will wait till Tuesday to give you the bad news. It’s just too much to bear at the moment.


What is Going On?!?

After I started my medication. For anxiety, I have been having more anxiety/panic attacks than I have ever had. All I have to do is think about moving and my heart starts racing and my shirt gets soaked. I wake up in the middle of the night in a panic because I think I’m having a heart attack.

Since I have had Noble sleeping with me, he has helped me through the night. I’ll wake up crying and he sleepily crawls onto my chest, licks my face a couple times, and falls back to sleep. I start calming down once he starts snoring and I feel his heart beat through his rib cage.

Noble helping me through an anxiety attack while watching a movie.

Eventually, I fall back to sleep. Nevertheless, it is a process. But it makes me happy that Noble naturally knows how to handle it. I know that there’s no judgement. I love him.

Off The Grid

I have been completely spacing writing on my blog the past couple weeks. I have been extremely busy during the holidays. I’ve been working with Noble on public access everyday, which takes about an hour from my day. He has been doing awesome.

I have also been busy looking for an apartment. My family is going to be moving out of the house we are currently in, so I decided it was perfect timing for me to move on. I thought job hunting was hard, but house hunting is proving to be much more difficult with a dog.

I had a friend that was willing to get an apartment with me, but she bailed. So, I have to find a place that I alone can afford. I am growing impatient. I want to move out NOW. I want to be truly independent. I want to be an adult that can fix her own problems.

I guess we’ll see how this turns out. I’m praying that I can get a place before January ends, but that may be unrealistic.

Hate It When I’m Busy

Yet again… I forgot to write last week. I really don’t like it when that happens. I don’t like it when my routine is broken. Nevertheless, it has. Therefore, I have to make a new routine to fit all of my activities into one day. 

I have a dog training class mondays and then take Noble to a store to train right after work. So, I’m out till 5 and then I take a shower, eat, and then sleep. That is all I have time for. I really wish the day was longer just two hours longer would be fantastic. But that isn’t gonna happen anytime soon.

I had my work Christmas party Friday. It was a lot of fun and I accidentally got buzzed. I ordered a virgin Shirley temple, but waitress was so busy that she gave me an alcoholic one. I didn’t notice it until I was two drinks in and felt all warm and fuzzy. My boss will laugh so hard when he hears that my sister and I got buzzed… oh I can hear the jokes already.

I am strung out extremely thin on everything. I got just about everybody I know Christmas presents. That is until I got a text from an old high school friend that they want to do a secret santa thing. I told her I can’t afford it and she said I could make something. I said that I don’t have time and she laid on the guilt… at least she tried. I don’t feel bad because I got everybody I love and care about presents already. Oh well…

Anyways, I will try my best to keep up on posts, but the holidays are keeping me busy. I’ve got some awesome news to share, but I will have tell you guys later because it will be a long post. Love you guys and happy holidays!

Here more about Noble’s progress at Noble Devotion


I had to talk myself down from the ledge a couple times this week. I have just not been coping well. It scares me that I’m not. I reached out to a friend that would understand, but she had to cancel because she was in the ER (best excuse ever, right?). I was seriously messed up. 

I ended up up going for a coffee right after work and just sat in my truck and wrote. Trying to figure out how to get my poop in a group. I stayed out for about an hour and a half and then went straight to bed. I didn’t want to deal with Noble. I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I can follow though with Noble’s training.

How can I expect to train a well behaved dog when I get so unstable that I can’t even look at him without getting angry? It’s plain and simple… I can’t. Maybe my parents will want him or I can sell him. Ugh… I don’t want to even think right now….


I got to see the puppies today and guess what? We get first pick in the boys! All the other people who had made reservations were neutral to what sex they wanted, but they decided on girls when they saw them for the first time. Boo yah! 

This big boy is exactly what I said… Big. The breeder is pretty sure that he is gonna the biggest one out of the litter and I want him. When he first let him out, he just leaned against my leg and chilled out, while the rest of his litter mates were running around wrestling with each other.

I picked him up, cuddled him and he fell asleep instantly. I think he’s the one. He’s got the same mellow demeanor that I’m looking for, but we’ll see. We only have two more weeks left, so I guess we will see how he matures. I keeping my fingers crossed this time.

I also took my ACT today. It went well enough. My migraine came back half way through because I was grinding my teeth during the test. I was trying to stay conscious. That is why my face is red in the photo above. Although, all the puppy breath relieved the pain temporarily. My dad and I LOVE the smell of puppy breath. I know it may sound strange, but I can’t help it. 

New Job New Dog

I am so sorry that I haven’t updated you guys on how the new job is going. I had written a post last week but it was saved in the drafts for some reason. Anyways, no time like the present.

I started my new job painting last Tuesday. I love it! It seems to help my anxiety when I know exactly what’s coming. This job is perfect. We stain, paint, or sand boards that come in bundles of a hundred. I am good at it and I love the repetition. The other awesome thing is that the “boss” is knows about my situation with Keen and that I’ve got a new puppy coming.

I am really stressing about how the training is going to go with me having a full time job. My parents think that I will be able to take him with me to work and just keep him in a kennel. The only issue with that is that I would still be potty training which means that I will have to take a break every two hours. I am not sure that I can do that. I don’t know… I guess we will see when the time comes.

Every day after work, I come limping the through the door because I’m not quite used to standing on my feet for ten hours straight. Nevertheless, I love it. Today wasn’t a too stellar day, but I still enjoyed it. I think I had a few of my staring spells because I can’t recall about twenty minutes of my day. Oh well. I’m just glad it wasn’t my full blown episodes. That would be bad… I need my puppy now…