Struggling

I am still really struggling… It appears that I’ve been released from the State Hospital too soon. I have relapsed. I went to my second doctor’s appointment and ended up having one of my episodes. In my delirium afterwards, I had confessed my plans to commit suicide again. So, I was sent to the ER once again Monday afternoon.

The good thing is that Noble was there, so everybody got to see him in action. The sad thing is, they got to see him in action… Apparently they didn’t let him do exactly what he was supposed to until Papa came. He then just let him go. He did exactly what he was supposed to do. He gave me Deep Pressure Therapy and then licked my face until I came to. I was so tickled to hear that.

Anyways, I was admitted to what is called the Hope House. It’s a short-term live in facility for people who are suicidal. I was told that I wouldn’t be allowed to because my conversion disorder is considered medical. They don’t have medical staff at the Hope House. The crisis evaluator ended up setting it up to get me into the Hope House.

Sure enough, I had three episodes the next morning, and they sent me to the ER. Very frustrating to wake up in the ER with two IVs, and people yelling at me to stay awake when I so badly want to sleep. They apparently called my mom to let her know I was in the ER and my mom chewed them out. My seizures don’t cause brain damage, so I don’t need to go to the ER after every one.

They got the message after that and I had some more seizures the next day. I didn’t end up in the ER. Yay! I was actually getting really frustrated because it took three days for me to be seen by one person. Wednesday was a really bad day. U was struggling with suicidal thoughts. No fun.

Then, I had another episode last night and I fell out of a chair. My episode only lasted 5 minutes instead of 15, but I ended up getting a concussion when I fell. I am always pretty confused after my episodes, but I never remember the confusion. This time though, I was so confused. It was scary. I ended up in another seizure after that.

I didn’t come back from the ER until 11 PM last night, and staff had me sleep on the couch so that they could keep an eye on me. I didn’t sleep very well, so I’m probably gonna go back to bed. In my room this time on a bed… I will probably take some Klonopin to help me sleep and with the anxiety.

The Week of Head Pain

Well… I am so sorry for not writing this week. I have had a terrible week. Monday was ok, but I had a little bit of a headache. On Tuesday, I got a migraine and took my first sick day in my whole work career. I was at work for two hours before I had a mental breakdown and went home.

When I got home, I ran down to my room and started seizing… Ugh. Funny thing is that my dad’s dog just happened to be home and she started doing what Keen was trained to do. It’s pretty cool how other dogs will pick up on other dogs’ training. Attie, my dad’s dog, picked up on Keen’s training and saved me from a week of sore… Everything.

Wednesday, I still had my migraine, but it was manageable. Working a full ten hours lifting and running while you are also trying to work through head pain, takes it out of you. So, I just fell right to sleep when I got home. Thursday was probably the worst day of the week though.

We were unloading some of the drying racks from the day before, and I was feeling pretty good. I had bent down to make sure the ends were square and jumped up to get out of the way. What I didn’t know was that one of the stacks next to the one we were stacking, had a bit of over hang. So, when I jumped up, I smacked my head on the boards above me.

My head was vibrating for about fifteen minutes, and I knew I got a concussion. But I made the stupid decision to keep going. I was planning to work a full ten hours again, but left an hour early because of the pain. It was one of the worst headaches I ever had. 

This one wasn’t concentrated in my left eye, so I knew it was because of my whack to the head. By the time I got home, it felt like my head was about to explode and I could only speak in a whisper without it hurting. So I told my mom what happened and I took some Tylenol and then laid down on the couch with an ice pack over my eyes.

I also took yesterday off from work to recover, and I just slept. All day long. I actually didn’t think I was gonna be able to sleep, but I did. So, you now know of my terrible week. I’ve just got one more week to go until I get Noble, and this little guy in the picture below is officially him! I am scrambling to get all the stuff I need for him, but it seems to all be working out pretty well. I’m excited.