The Bad Stuff…

I promised to fill you guys in on the bad stuff going on today, so here goes… 

The majority of it is finances. The cost to stay in the psych hospital in $10,000 a day and I was there for ten days with two ER trips and an EEG. So I have some pretty big bills coming my way. I had my social working on getting me some health insurance, but just found out I don’t qualify for any that she can find. Stupid.

Now I have started the process of finding and applying to health insurance companies that I can find. So, in swamped with paperwork. While I was about to print some crucial information for my applications, our printer crashed. Now I have to find some way to finish the application before time runs out.

I am still looking for a place of my own, so I have been picking up even more applications for the past couple weeks. The only thing is that I have to get Noble licensed by the city. I didn’t know I had to. I went online to get him licensed, but turns out that my town still uses snail mail. I sent his paperwork out today, but it will probably be a while.

It is way past my bedtime, so I’m gonna leave it at that and call it a night. I will pick up where I left off on Thursday. 


I’m a Trainer!

I have been officially hired to be a dog trainer. That is a personal dog trainer. There is a lady that I met at one of the support groups, that was wanting help to train her dog as a service dog. I had Noble at the group, so she asked if I would help her.

She can’t pay me much, but I felt that I needed to help her out. Honestly, I am so excited. She is at the stage that I know how to train. She has an eight week old puppy that isn’t even potty trained. Noble is now six months old, and I have gone through the terrible phase of potty training and crate training.

I am not officially a dog trainer, but I still know how to train a dog. Especially a service dog. In fact, I think that my standards are too high for just a pet. I do better with task training. Perfect for service dogs or any working dog for that fact.

I’m starting to think that I should get some business cards, because I have been getting stopped a lot by people wanting me to do something with a service dog. I got stopped by a guy, in the middle of an intersection, who wanted me to take care of his service dog while he was in Europe. I’m starting to think that I might have to go part time with my painting job. I don’t want to, but current events are making it difficult to have a full-time job with a side business.

Anyways, that’s the good news that has happened the past couple weeks. I will wait till Tuesday to give you the bad news. It’s just too much to bear at the moment.

Hate It When I’m Busy

Yet again… I forgot to write last week. I really don’t like it when that happens. I don’t like it when my routine is broken. Nevertheless, it has. Therefore, I have to make a new routine to fit all of my activities into one day. 

I have a dog training class mondays and then take Noble to a store to train right after work. So, I’m out till 5 and then I take a shower, eat, and then sleep. That is all I have time for. I really wish the day was longer just two hours longer would be fantastic. But that isn’t gonna happen anytime soon.

I had my work Christmas party Friday. It was a lot of fun and I accidentally got buzzed. I ordered a virgin Shirley temple, but waitress was so busy that she gave me an alcoholic one. I didn’t notice it until I was two drinks in and felt all warm and fuzzy. My boss will laugh so hard when he hears that my sister and I got buzzed… oh I can hear the jokes already.

I am strung out extremely thin on everything. I got just about everybody I know Christmas presents. That is until I got a text from an old high school friend that they want to do a secret santa thing. I told her I can’t afford it and she said I could make something. I said that I don’t have time and she laid on the guilt… at least she tried. I don’t feel bad because I got everybody I love and care about presents already. Oh well…

Anyways, I will try my best to keep up on posts, but the holidays are keeping me busy. I’ve got some awesome news to share, but I will have tell you guys later because it will be a long post. Love you guys and happy holidays!

Here more about Noble’s progress at Noble Devotion

Captain Abbie?

Well… I’ve got a new nickname at work… Captain Abbie. The reasoning behind it is that people like to ask stupid questions, and I know the answer to these stupid questions. Questions like, should we put these big boards on the bottom of the stack? Because I tell them to put it on the bottom, I am suddenly bossy.

I don’t see myself as being bossy, but maybe I am. That is when it comes to answering stupid questions… And my dog. So, maybe I am a bossy person! Oh well… This is gonna be a short post. I apologize for not posting much. My time has been chocked full. I really wish there were at least 2 more hours in the day. Now the days are getting shorter with winter approaching… Ugh. Just one more thing I’m not looking forward to.

Lots of Contemplating

When I’m at work, I write future blog posts in my head while I’m working. I really wish there was some kind of app that would type out your thoughts because I can never remember what I came up with. Occasionally, I’ll have a moment to write out the subject of the post and a little bit of content. 

But by the time I get home and get ready to write, I have now idea what the phrases or titles mean. I had written quite a few interesting posts in my head today… Bummer that I can’t share them with you. Maybe I will end up thinking the same thing later. Oh well…

Today was a good day despite me getting sunburned again and there being a screw up with the stain color this morning. I didn’t miss Keen quite as much. I still did, but it wasn’t overwhelming. It was quiet at work because there were only three of us today. I embraced it being the introvert that I am.

My brother in law and I are both introverted so when we stay later than everyone else, we don’t say anything. We even turn off the radio a so that we can actually think. When my boss comes in to tell us to start cleaning up, it usually scares me because I am so deep in thought.

I seem to have gotten my second wind (or fourth or six). I have come to terms once again with the loss of Keen (turning out to be a weekly thing), and ready to start the training of Noble, my new puppy. I don’t have him yet, but we are hopefully gonna see the puppies again this week. I’m excited. They will probably be twice the size they were two weeks ago.

I am probably gonna go to bed now so I will hopefully write again tomorrow. Otherwise, you will hear from me Thursday. I am sticking to my plan of writing Monday’s and Thursday’s. I think that was the plan…. Oh well, it is now. And of course there is always the option of me writing more often (like this week), but Monday’s and Thursday’s are definite.

An Emotional Wreck

I have been so freaking busy these past week with working two jobs. All I have been doing is working and sleeping. I have finally finished my last day at the kennel, so I finally get a day off for the first time in TWO MONTHS. On top of me working every day, I had to return Keen to the shelter. It is heartbreaking and I have kept myself busy with work to deal with it. 

Now, it is catching up with me. I am excited for this new adventure that I have coming, but it is hard to erase that bond you had with your service dog. Every day without him becomes harder and harder. I don’t trust my judgement and I’m afraid that I might have an episode, and get someone else hurt in the process.

I have to overcome a few hurtles without assistance, and it terrifies me. I lay awake at night crying my eyes out in the anticipation of these hurtles. I no longer have a dog waiting nearby for when I need to be comforted on nights like these. I wake up every morning without my usual zeal for the new day. 

I crawl out bed and begrudgingly get ready for work. I have been at my new job for almost three weeks, and I am still trembling as I walk through the door. My mind is racing through all my anxieties and me telling myself not to make mistakes, that I make stupid mistakes. It’s like my vision is blurred so I don’t see simple things in my way like a step or board. So, I stumble and people make fun.

I can’t help making those mistakes. When I was in speech therapy after my TBI, the one thing that I held onto was that I should laugh at myself. So, I do. I always have. It is natural for me to make fun of my mistakes, now. My anxiety has now caused me to go back to the mistakes I have made and just feel absolutely terrible. 

I can’t stay light-hearted anymore. I blame myself for the way Keen turned out, I blame myself for being socially awkward to the point of me seeming dim-witted to others, and I blame myself for everything. All I am is an anxious, depressed, and angry lump of worthless flesh. 

New Job New Dog

I am so sorry that I haven’t updated you guys on how the new job is going. I had written a post last week but it was saved in the drafts for some reason. Anyways, no time like the present.

I started my new job painting last Tuesday. I love it! It seems to help my anxiety when I know exactly what’s coming. This job is perfect. We stain, paint, or sand boards that come in bundles of a hundred. I am good at it and I love the repetition. The other awesome thing is that the “boss” is knows about my situation with Keen and that I’ve got a new puppy coming.

I am really stressing about how the training is going to go with me having a full time job. My parents think that I will be able to take him with me to work and just keep him in a kennel. The only issue with that is that I would still be potty training which means that I will have to take a break every two hours. I am not sure that I can do that. I don’t know… I guess we will see when the time comes.

Every day after work, I come limping the through the door because I’m not quite used to standing on my feet for ten hours straight. Nevertheless, I love it. Today wasn’t a too stellar day, but I still enjoyed it. I think I had a few of my staring spells because I can’t recall about twenty minutes of my day. Oh well. I’m just glad it wasn’t my full blown episodes. That would be bad… I need my puppy now…