Going Back To Work

Tomorrow is my first day back at work. I’m worrying about it of course, but I am itching to get back to work. To feel the exhaustion and sore muscles after hard day’s work. There is nothing like it… And I love it.

My employers are awesome and extremely supportive, so I’m not too worried about being picked on for taking two and a half weeks off work. I am worried about the questions about why I was in the hospital. But I’ve got vague answers figured out that will hopefully satisfy them.

I finally have my routine sorted out again, which brings me to another topic. While I was in the hospital, I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). That is why I have to have my day planned down to the minute and can’t be changed. If it does get changed, I have a panic attack.

They also believe that I am on autism spectrum. I don’t think I am, but apparently I show a lot of signs. OCD being one of them. I’m not quite sure how I feel about that, but I haven’t been diagnosed with it so I don’t have to worry. Yet…

It’s not that I don’t want to be diagnosed autistic, but rather it would bring a whole view of myself. I don’t think I can handle one more thing to cope with right now. I don’t think I am severely autistic, but it would make sense why I have issues in social settings. Maybe it’s not just my anxiety. Maybe the anxiety is caused by the autism.

Anyways, I just wanted to get some things off my chest before I tried to sleep. Most likely I will be laying awake all night with my racing thoughts. I will try to sleep nevertheless. So… Goodnight everybody!


Emotional Couple Of Weeks

I have been exhausted by 4 o’clock every day the past couple of weeks. I had another anxiety attack last Sunday night and was not ready to go to work Monday… but I did anyway. I don’t think I was very pleasant to be around. 

I had anxious jitters all day Tuesday because I was gonna have to ask my boss if I can start bringing Noble. My parents were headed out of town and Noble couldn’t sit in a kennel for  ten hours. You can read more about how it went on my Service dog blog or my Facebook page. To sum it up, I was absolutely terrified, but it all worked out great.

My brother-in-law was out of town, so I was alone at work last week. That went a lot better than I planned as well. I have a coworker who has autism that makes him move very slowly. I worked with him all last week and he broke down crying Tuesday because the guys at the other shop were beating him up. Both verbally and physically.

There are two shops called the interior and exterior shop. I work at the exterior shop because the other shop sprays lacquer and my dog can’t breathe that stuff. My coworker has been working on the interior shop and they call him terrible names, throw thing at him… hard, stick things on his clothes without telling him, and leave him at work so he has to walk home.

Anyways, he poured his heart out about how is so stupid because he can’t keep up with everybody, and I did my best to cheer him up. Turned out it worked and I had my boss keep him at my shop from now on. My other coworkers at my shop and I also make sure he always has a ride home.

It breaks my heart to see people so broken because of what other day or do. I know what it is like to have shortcomings and to be teased because of them. I have been dealing with a lot of emotional things as you can see, so I haven’t had much time to post anything. 

I hope this post suffices and thank you for reading!