I am currently in a sticky situation. I accepted a job offer and now they seem to be a bit sketchy. I’ve got an unsettling gut feeling that I should back out, but can’t seem to. I tried to let the lady down easy, but she is not accepting my resignation. Now I’m in too deep to back out. Not quite sure what to do.

I think I am just going to fulfill my last duties and then pull out. I really don’t feel comfortable continuing with this job. They are out of state and they only want to converse via text, and their number keeps changing. See? Really sketchy and unsettling to continue. The only thing is they have invested in me a little bit, so I can’t back out now. I’ll wait another day.

Ugh! Why can’t I just say no? I mean, come on! Haven’t I learned my lesson already? Not saying “no” has gotten me into so many jams. I hate that I feel the need to please everybody. It’s so stupid and such a waste of my time. Geez… This is just one more jam I’ve gotten into because of it. ARG!

Anyways, I thought I’d let you guys know what is going on in my miserable life. I will sign off now and wish you all a goodnight.


Just Want To Sleep…

Today… I am writing because I am bored out of my mind. I am staying at my grandparent’s to build a prototypeof a business idea I have. I am here till tuesday and running out of things to do. I have almost completed the skeleton of my idea, but have to wait on some parts in order to continue.

I have kept this idea stored in my mind for so long, I don’t want to stop. I am actually seeing it work out. I have pitched my business plan to a couple people and they all really liked it. I am getting a lot of support now and help to make it come to life.

I thought my business plan was one of those that you keep thinking about, but never get around to doing. Boy was I wrong. When I first started, I had no idea how I was gonna start. It’s like me and sketching…

It takes me so long to actually get started, that I eventually forget and never do it. I was challenged by a relative to follow through with my plan and to see what happens. So far, I am so excited to start getting it manufactured. It will probably take me a while before I can because I have to get some sort of patent.

I don’t know how long that takes… I’m really praying it goes quickly. I have thought about selling my idea to get the money up front, but decided to sell it myself. I have plans for the money that I will make from it. For a good cause, mind you.


Noble is still hard at work…

I have already taken my night meds about four hours ago, but they aren’t working
yet. Sometimes my mind is running so fast, that it overpowers the meds. Hate it when it happens, but it happens. That’s when I’m left staring blankly at a wall thinking about… Everything.

Tonight, though, I decided to put my mind to work and do some blogging. I apologize for the lack of posts. The past couple months, I have been in and out of hospitals for multiple reasons. Anyways, thought I might let you know I’m not dead… Good thing, too.

What is Going On?!?

After I started my medication. For anxiety, I have been having more anxiety/panic attacks than I have ever had. All I have to do is think about moving and my heart starts racing and my shirt gets soaked. I wake up in the middle of the night in a panic because I think I’m having a heart attack.

Since I have had Noble sleeping with me, he has helped me through the night. I’ll wake up crying and he sleepily crawls onto my chest, licks my face a couple times, and falls back to sleep. I start calming down once he starts snoring and I feel his heart beat through his rib cage.

Noble helping me through an anxiety attack while watching a movie.

Eventually, I fall back to sleep. Nevertheless, it is a process. But it makes me happy that Noble naturally knows how to handle it. I know that there’s no judgement. I love him.

Hate It When I’m Busy

Yet again… I forgot to write last week. I really don’t like it when that happens. I don’t like it when my routine is broken. Nevertheless, it has. Therefore, I have to make a new routine to fit all of my activities into one day. 

I have a dog training class mondays and then take Noble to a store to train right after work. So, I’m out till 5 and then I take a shower, eat, and then sleep. That is all I have time for. I really wish the day was longer just two hours longer would be fantastic. But that isn’t gonna happen anytime soon.

I had my work Christmas party Friday. It was a lot of fun and I accidentally got buzzed. I ordered a virgin Shirley temple, but waitress was so busy that she gave me an alcoholic one. I didn’t notice it until I was two drinks in and felt all warm and fuzzy. My boss will laugh so hard when he hears that my sister and I got buzzed… oh I can hear the jokes already.

I am strung out extremely thin on everything. I got just about everybody I know Christmas presents. That is until I got a text from an old high school friend that they want to do a secret santa thing. I told her I can’t afford it and she said I could make something. I said that I don’t have time and she laid on the guilt… at least she tried. I don’t feel bad because I got everybody I love and care about presents already. Oh well…

Anyways, I will try my best to keep up on posts, but the holidays are keeping me busy. I’ve got some awesome news to share, but I will have tell you guys later because it will be a long post. Love you guys and happy holidays!

Here more about Noble’s progress at Noble Devotion

Happy thanksgiving!

I hope everyone is having a fantastic day! I apologize for being off the grid for a bit. I have been doing a surprisingly large amount of activities. I went to a concert last week, celebrated a birthday, then a dog training class this Monday, and celebrated another birthday this Tuesday. I’ve been a bit maxed out on energy.

Anyways, my siblings and I went to a 5k race this morning to earn our thanksgiving dinner. I wasn’t all that psyched about the crowds of 4,000 plus people, but I loved the run. It was a fundraiser for the food bank and my family is trying to make a tradition out of it.

I am going to go to sleep and then maybe navigate the Black Friday crowds tomorrow… ugh. 

Emotional Couple Of Weeks

I have been exhausted by 4 o’clock every day the past couple of weeks. I had another anxiety attack last Sunday night and was not ready to go to work Monday… but I did anyway. I don’t think I was very pleasant to be around. 

I had anxious jitters all day Tuesday because I was gonna have to ask my boss if I can start bringing Noble. My parents were headed out of town and Noble couldn’t sit in a kennel for  ten hours. You can read more about how it went on my Service dog blog or my Facebook page. To sum it up, I was absolutely terrified, but it all worked out great.

My brother-in-law was out of town, so I was alone at work last week. That went a lot better than I planned as well. I have a coworker who has autism that makes him move very slowly. I worked with him all last week and he broke down crying Tuesday because the guys at the other shop were beating him up. Both verbally and physically.

There are two shops called the interior and exterior shop. I work at the exterior shop because the other shop sprays lacquer and my dog can’t breathe that stuff. My coworker has been working on the interior shop and they call him terrible names, throw thing at him… hard, stick things on his clothes without telling him, and leave him at work so he has to walk home.

Anyways, he poured his heart out about how is so stupid because he can’t keep up with everybody, and I did my best to cheer him up. Turned out it worked and I had my boss keep him at my shop from now on. My other coworkers at my shop and I also make sure he always has a ride home.

It breaks my heart to see people so broken because of what other day or do. I know what it is like to have shortcomings and to be teased because of them. I have been dealing with a lot of emotional things as you can see, so I haven’t had much time to post anything. 

I hope this post suffices and thank you for reading!

12 Hour Anxiety Attack

Last night was absolutely one of the worst nights I’ve ever had. I didn’t sleep a wink the night before because I was worried about my doctor’s appointment, so I was exhausted by the time bedtime came around. I had my typical butterflies in my stomach at the beginning, but by 11 pm my heart was beating so fast that my limbs were getting numb.

I have had anxiety/panic attacks before, but they had never lasted this long. I was so terrified that I was having a heart attack that I went to my parents. They noticed it was an anxiety attack and tried to help me calm down. My mom kept saying that she was sorry for being angry that I went to the doctor without telling them. She said that she didn’t know my anxiety was this bad.

That alone helped me calm down a little bit, but I didn’t successfully stop the anxiety attack till 7 am. I called in sick to work and just slept. I had to catch up on two nights of sleep, so I didn’t wake up till3:30 pm today. I didn’t even wake up to eat anything. I finally feel rested and ready to go. It seems that I got medication three days too late. I am praying that I make it to the weekend.