I am currently sitting in a coffee shop waiting for it to be time to go to my follow up appointment. I am absolutely terrified. My appointment is at this institution for mental health, and I don’t know what to expect. I’m not sure what this appointment entails.
I know it will be a lot of paperwork, but I’m not sure if I am just going to get accepted into the program or what. I am not bringing Noble because he will be just one more stressor. Ugh… I hate it when you get so anxious that you get physically uncomfortable.
I wish I could do a test run so that I know what to expect. Life would be so much easier ifwe could have test runs. But life has to be difficult, so we don’t get test runs. It’s stupid, but true. All I have been doing the past couple days is sleeping and moving.
My family just moved to a new house, so I am very slowly moving mystuff to the new place. My energy is drained so easily these days. A shower is so exhausting that I sleep for three hours afterwards (Which leaves me with bed head).
I’m probably just rambling now. I will let you guys know how everything goes.
Last night was absolutely one of the worst nights I’ve ever had. I didn’t sleep a wink the night before because I was worried about my doctor’s appointment, so I was exhausted by the time bedtime came around. I had my typical butterflies in my stomach at the beginning, but by 11 pm my heart was beating so fast that my limbs were getting numb.
I have had anxiety/panic attacks before, but they had never lasted this long. I was so terrified that I was having a heart attack that I went to my parents. They noticed it was an anxiety attack and tried to help me calm down. My mom kept saying that she was sorry for being angry that I went to the doctor without telling them. She said that she didn’t know my anxiety was this bad.
That alone helped me calm down a little bit, but I didn’t successfully stop the anxiety attack till 7 am. I called in sick to work and just slept. I had to catch up on two nights of sleep, so I didn’t wake up till3:30 pm today. I didn’t even wake up to eat anything. I finally feel rested and ready to go. It seems that I got medication three days too late. I am praying that I make it to the weekend.
Whoo! It was a tough day today. I groomed the big Newfoundland yesterday and she went home this morning. It took me two hours to brush all of her mats out. And another hour to get her bathed. Well the lady ended up calling to complain that I didn’t shave her haunches and underbelly.
When my boss called to tell me that, I was in the middle of doing two grooms. When I got off the phone, I just collapsed in a hot, shaky heap. Keen was on top of me in seconds. Licking me all over trying to get me to come out of it. I was panicking in the midst of my episode because I still had a dog on the table.
About 5-10 minutes later, it finally stopped. I was exhausted. Thankfully, the dog I was doing was a small one. Otherwise, I probably wouldn’t have been able to finish the groom. Keen was by my side and whining for rest of the time I was at the kennel. Him doing that meant that I wasn’t completely clear of another episode. So, when I finished the groom, I had my mom come get me.
I am not a social person. I don’t know how to deal with a negative social situation, hence my social anxiety. The news of an unsatisfied customer and having to redo the dog, sent me over the edge. I kept my cool for the few minutes I was on the phone. I am somehow able to finish the task that makes me anxious. When I was at school and I was anxious about a test I was taking, I wouldn’t have an episode until after I completed the test.
It is very convenient, but it always ends in an epsiode. Now that I have Keen, he alerts me to my anxiety during the task so that I know I need to take a break. Which prevents the episode at the end of the task. Anyways, when I got home and relaxed, I finally calmed down. I think I might even be able to handle the angry lady… Next week. I will save that worry for when it’s viable…