I am going on another dreaded road trip this weekend. We are going to visit my grandparents for the Fourth of July. I am getting the usual jitters and anxieties I get before a trip. It’s really frustrating when your family doesn’t understand what it’s like to deal with PTSD. The last time we went to go visit my grandparents, I could not go to sleep. No matter how much medication I took.
It was torture. At every headlight I saw and turns we took, my heart would just about burst and my brain would switch to the flashback channel. I don’t know if I can do it again. It has been getting a lot worse lately. I have been only able to drive for about fifteen minutes before having to pull over and regroup. My family tells me that I’m just gonna have to work through it and that going will be good for me. They say that when we make it there, my worries will disappear… Not that easy. They know nothing of what it’s like.
I am excited to get there, but dreading the getting there. Ugh… I am now at the stage where I’m talking myself out of it, and then back into going. Stupid anxiety. Stupid PTSD. I just feel bad for Keen. He is going to be working a LOT this weekend. He has already been on keeping and eye on me because of all this job business. I have a feeling that most of my vacation money is going towards treats for Keen.
I will let you guys know what I decide. Right now I’m leaning more towards going. I know I will enjoy seeing a few people while I’m there. I guess we’ll see. Maybe the meds will actually work this time. Here’s hoping…