I Give Up

I have been job searching for six months now. I have gone to so many interviews. And I give up. As soon as the people see that I have Keen, it’s a deal breaker and they say they are gonna call me, but never do. I am so fed up with it that I have been going to interviews saying, “I have been on a job hunt for a while now and have been turned away because I have my dog. I don’t want to waste yours or my time, so… Is he a deal breaker?” Some say no and some say yes and I just leave. For those who say no and continue the interview, I never get a call back. 

I still have my job at the kennel, but it is getting so stressful that I can’t even handle doing chores without breaking down into an anxious heap. As much as it scares me, I need a change. I need a different job. I need a different routine. I need to do different things that are out of my comfort zone on a regular (ish) basis.

People have been telling me that I just need to keep working at the kennel. That I’m not liking it because I’m doing things that are not in my comfort zone. And that I just need to think about it before I make any rash decisions. That pisses me off. People do not know what I’m feeling. I know the difference between doing something out of my comfort zone, and doing something that is unhealthy for me to continue (mentally and physically).

I have been talking about getting a new job since I got my GED, and I have been searching for one since then as well. There is nothing rash about it. I had no idea that it would be this hard to get hired with a service dog. It is so discouraging to get continuously turned down because I have to work with Keen by my side.

Quite frankly, I feel stuck. I don’t want to quit my current job until I have another to replace it. At the same time, no one is going to hire me, and this job is seriously wearing me down. I find myself back in that depression loop, and just as bad as the first time. Only I don’t think I have anything to keep me going. Keep me looking ahead. My family keeps planning road trips to go this summer, but I can’t go because I can’t handle sitting in a car without having flashbacks.

I feel as if I have been forced into this rut once again. I find myself planning again, and not having anyone to talk me down from the ledge. GRR! I hate this. I have no money, and sooner or later, no job. I want help, but I can’t afford the help. And, honestly, I’m ashamed to be stuck in this rut again. Ashamed to need to ask for help again. I try to tell my mom, but she discredits what I’m feeling with, “Ask God what to do.” Or, “Just pray about it. It will pass.” Comments. I don’t know what to do…

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6 thoughts on “I Give Up

  1. This is definitely challenging, and something I worry about myself. Getting a job with a service dog is no easy task. I know a lot of people who struggle with it. I’ve even been recommended to just not take the dog when I apply and interview, but that won’t be an option for me. It’s frustrating.

    While I do think everyone is right about needing to take time and not act rashly, it really sounds like you’ve been thinking on this for a while. It’s not like you just up and decided to find a new job on a whim. If it makes you that uncomfortable, that’s important. You need to pay attention to that. Ignoring it will only make it worse.

    As for what to do, you mentioned getting your GED. I did the same a year and a half ago. Have you considered going back to college? Sometimes even just an associates can open up the door to allow you greater options for work. Also, going to school may help you build connections that will help you gain employment. Sometimes they have job placement programs and professors can sometimes help hook you up with internships. You may even qualify for grant money. I know going back to college can be very anxiety provoking, so it may not be for you, but it might be something to consider. You may have luck finding something in a different avenue that way, such as working in your local office for disability. It could be worth a shot.

    If you ever need to talk, feel free to ping me. You’ve always been there for me with words of wisdom and inspiration. I would be honored to have a chance to return the favor, should you ever need it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Abigail says:

      Thank you. I will surely ping you. I have been considering going to college, but the financial part of doing so is what makes me most anxious. I keep waiting to see if I can get scholarships, but I have had no such luck. I know that I need to apply to the college first, but I need to take my ACT. Which I can’t afford right now. Ugh…

      Like

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