I have been really insecure as of late. With my weight, my looks, my job, everything. I have always been a really active person, but ever since my bout of depression my sophomore year, I just can’t seem to get motivated. I strive for competition and I have won countless races in the past without even training for them. Now that I’m an adult, I can’t just expect that anymore. 

I got myself a bike last fall and my goal was to ride to town and back, which is about twenty miles one way. I love my bike, it rides beautifully. It is silent and shifts gears smoothly, but I also want to take Keen with me. I don’t feel comfortable adventuring to public places without my co pilot. I have been trying to get him in shape so that he could make those long distances with me, but I took him on the two mile ride we always take and the past couple times he is all limps and sore. He is part greyhound so he should be able to do the distance right? Eventually?

With work, my boss seems to be taking advantage of me. In the sense that she seems to think that she is pulling the wool over my eyes about not paying me enough. I groom, do chores, check in dogs and cats, and check out dogs and cats at the pet boarding facility I work at. The only problem is that my boss is always scheduling grooms on my days off or not telling me about a groom until the day of. 

That does not work for me. When she does that, I go to work with my anxiety is already through the roof so when I see how bad a shape the dog is, it gets even higher. As of late, my clipper blades have become extremely dull and a couple days ago they stopped cutting altogether. I called my boss to tell her that I have to get my blades cleaned and sharpened, and she dunk it in water for a couple days and calls it good. The grooms I had after that were also bad cuts because my blades weren’t working. 

Agh! I am so fed up with trying to get her to see that I need sharpened blades, or new blades that I went and got myself some. I have to do a poodle this weekend and I have to get this one right. And because I am going to be using my own blades (and eventually my own clippers), I am going to be getting a larger cut from my grooms. My dad asked if I was going to make her pay to sharpen my blades and I said that I’m hoping to not be working at the place long enough to need her to. I get crummy pay and I can’t even utilize Keen because he has to be locked in a kennel for his own protection.

This is a bit of a rant because I really needed to get this off my chest. Stress is not working for me. I also wanted to share something cool. The other day, Keen and I were at the mall and the manager in one of the stores came up and thanked me for bringing  a legitimate service dogs because he gets so frustrated when people bring in their little pampered, yappy dogs in the stores. I had my first opportunity to explain his rights towards fake service dogs. It was pretty cool because he actually listened.

2 thoughts on “Insecure

  1. I don’t know how your job works but surely your boss should pay for tools. Have you tried having a quiet chat with her? I know this may make you feel anxious thinking about it but she needs to know you won’t take this kind of treatment. Bullying and hostile behaviour can happen in work too – it is not something that bullies grow out of when they leave school. XXX

    Liked by 1 person

    • Abigail says:

      Yes she should pay for equipment and I have talked to her about it, but she is convinced that all they need is to be soaked in water so that the hair comes off. Ugh… I hate dealing with this. She doesn’t want to spend and “unnecessary” money.


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