Exhaustion and Discrimination

Since we have gotten home, keen and I have been absolutely exhausted. The six days we were out of town was not a vacation, it was exhausting and painful work. Both physically and mentally. The main purpose of Keen’s training was to make me anxious so that Keen would learn that when I am in a bad way, people are ok to be around. So, the only way to fulfill it was to go places I would not have gone to.

Since I was really anxious the entire time for both the testing and the training, I had a migraine and still do. The migraine hasn’t let down since we have gotten home and I think it might be because of the anticipation for the results of my test. So, I am kind of expecting this one to last for another week. I hate headaches, but I have learned to live with them since I was eight.

As a part of Keen’s training, we went to Walmart. I hate Walmart… So it was the perfect place. I went and got him and myself some treats and then we sat down by the entrance where all the traffic was. I was anxious because I was alone and I was extremely uncomfortable to be where I was. But if I want Keen to turn out well, I had to follow through with it. 

So we sat there for about 15-20 minutes with people talking and pushing loud carts past us. He did so well! The point of this is that whenever he starts to pay a little too much to something, I gave him “watch me” and if he does, I treat him. This is teaching him to not pay attention to what is happening around him, and instead keeping his eye on me. He began to realize what I was doing so when a cart went by, he would look at me expectantly.

Another thing Keen is not stellar at is when we are in a social setting at someone’s house. And my church has small groups where the youth, young adults, women, and men get together at different times during the week. I am in the age group for the youth, but I don’t quite fit in. So I signed up for the young adult group that my sister has been going to. I was actually really excited about it because Keen has been doing so well with his training.

Well, my sister got an email from the leader of the group who also hosts it at her house. The email said that if I am going to bring my dog, I am going to have to get him a certain kind of booties and he can only sit in certain places of the house. My sister told my mom and then my mom told me about it. 

I actually can’t believe this is happening. The guy apparently doesn’t like dogs so they are going to make it as difficult as possible for me to bring Keen. When someone tells me I can’t bring my dog, they are saying I can’t come. It’s not like I can leave him at home and go because I need him the most in social settings. I am so devastated. I was actually getting pretty pumped about going. But now I can’t because my dog, who allows me to be independent and helps me make it through the simplest things, can’t come.

I know they have every right to do so because it is at their house, but it is still discrimination. The only difference is that it’s legal. My mom is really pissed and she wants to bite their heads off, but she can’t. And my sister is devastated because she knew how much I was looking forward to it. That was the only group that I could actually fit in and I can’t go. I’m too old in so many ways for the youth group and too young for the women’s group. I need to be able to socialize, but I don’t know how I’m going to be able to do it now.

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