Yesterday my mom had decided that we were going to go an open a checking and savings account for me. I had been asking for one for months. As we were heading out of the driveway, my anxiety level went up and my suppositions began.
I wasn’t sure if I was comfortable giving all my money away. I had $1700 in cash for savings and I was going to be handing it over. I have been saving for a year now and felt as if I was throwing it all away. I wasn’t of course. It was insured in the bank and I wouldn’t misplace the money either.
Having suppositions while in a car wasn’t exactly good either. Keen was in the very back of the car and he was very whiny the whole time. I was tempted to let him up, but decided against it because I could see him scratching up the leather seats. I went to youth group on Wednesday and have finally made the decision not to attend any longer because I can’t handle the drive back.
You can pretty much count on me not going somewhere when it’s dark because I can’t handle the drive because of my PTSD. On the way home, Wednesday, Keen was alerting like crazy. One of the ways you can tell when your dog is alerting you is when he/she does things they haven’t done before. Keen kept standing on the armrest between the two fro t seats of the car, and licking my face.
It was starting to scare my little sister because she didn’t want me to have an episode while she was driving. Which caused her to look away from the road or take her hand off the wheel. That just made me panic even more and Keen resorted to DPT by laying his head on my shoulder and pressing down. All in all, I made it home, but I don’t plan on doing it again.
Back to my topic, we stopped to check the mail and we had gotten a package from my cousin. I opened it and there were six individually wrapped gifts. I opened mine and found two peas in a pod clay sculpture. She also drew me a moose that I plan on keeping forever. I read the letter that went along with it and she said that she looked up to me and that she thought of me as her best friend. She also said that they had to write about their hero in school and she chose me.
My heart soared. My cousin is in sixth or seventh grade, so there is an age difference. We didn’t get to meet her till she was five years old. We didn’t even know we had a cousin from my mom’s twin sister. From the time we first met, we have been best buds. Saw each other almost everyday and played for hours.
Until she moved away four years ago. Now, she comes and visits during the summer. Last summer, I didn’t get to see her because I was in the hospital which made her very worried. She didn’t know why and didn’t know how sick I was. So, this summer, she came to visit and she actually started crying when she gave me a hug. I didn’t know how bad it scared her. I do now though, and we are planning to keep in touch better.
Anyways, I was so over the moon that my anxiety was a no show when we got to the bank. It was really easy. I answer questions and then wait for a few hours and then I could go. Easy peasy, lemon squeasy. I don’t really know what the purpose of this post is other than to say that family will surprise you. You just might have someone like my cousin who confides in you and looks up to you, without you knowing it. I find that it makes me want to fight my damn anxiety and prove that I’m worthy of being someone’s hero.