Tough Choices

I have been feeling very… Good theses past couple days. It is very strange because I have had to make some tough choices. I had to back out of my relationship with my bestie for a time. I don’t know how long, but as long as I need. The really weird thing is that once I made that decision, I felt so relieved.

I felt as if a ton of bricks had been lifted off me. I later told my mom and she said it was the right thing to do. After she said that, my anxiety level went up. I find that my anxiety is so much worse after the event occurs than during or before. I am anxious before and during, but it doubles once it is over. It is almost like I’m in shock. 

My anxiety becomes more visible. My teeth start chattering and I get very shaky. The day I had made the decision, Keen was very whiny. Annoyingly whiny. I got really mad at one point and yelled at him. He then got off the chair, but didn’t leave the room like he usually does when my temper flares. Instead, he came and rested his head on my lap and whined. 

I was not getting what he was telling me until he wouldn’t stop looking at me. I then became aware of my anxiety. He jumped on lap and it seemed to soothe him. Haha! I have never heard of a nail biting dog, but Keen turns out to be one of them. 

I have no way to calm myself down so I just ride it out. This stresses Keen out so he tends to start chewing on his nails. I think it is so weird, but feel a bit guilty because I’m the cause. Sometimes I think the DPT is mostly for his consolation. The nice thing is that I don’t have to clip his nails. But I still need to probably get him to stop.

Since then, I find that my temper hasn’t been out of hand since. At least not toward him. Thus making him much more trusting and well behaved. I also got him a new winter vest from Ruffwear. I am going to sew patches on it of course, but it is so crazy how I am more excited when I get him stuff than myself. It makes me happy when he’s happy.

I also got a red light band that goes on his collar because I find that we go to a lot of dark places. Like youth group during worship and the movie theater. We have a problem of people not seeing him and stepping on him. That is a down side to having a black dog. Sometimes I wish that I had a huge mobile flashing sign that said “SERVICE DOG DO NOT PET.” But this is the closest I’ll get.

  Keen in his new vest

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