Motivation

I haven’t been writing much due to my motivation issues. I find that I start planning and writing a blog when I am doing my day to day activities, but when I sit down to actually write them down, I lose it. When we are in the car or something and somebody is with me, I find myself writing. The person will be talking to me and wonder why I’m not answering, but I just get lost in my own world. 

Another thing that I’m lacking motivation on is drawing… I have to draw a picture of a moose for a friend so that I can follow through with a promise. I just can’t seem to get myself to just sit down and start. I have to get it done by the 20 th of this month and that isn’t much more time. 

And then I need to study for the permit test. AGH!! I feel extremely overwhelmed. Yes I know that I don’t have to get it done today, but when I start thinking about the things I need to get done, I start panicking. It is not that much. But for some reason I just find myself overwhelmed by two things… Well three if you count blogging.

After my bout with severe depression, I find myself completely lacking motivation. To do anything really. I can even get myself motivated to make my bed. I think that the fact that I haven’t even heard from the people about the HiSET accommodations, is really weighing the down. 

I expected to have been done with school by now. I got myself pumped to take the test and then I found out that I would have to wait six weeks before they would look at the accommodation request. I would keep telling myself,  ‘Don’t worry. You will have taken and passed the test in no time at all.’ Well, ‘no time’ has passed and I find myself getting dragged closer to rock bottom again.

The only thing that is saving me from the deep dark terrors of depression is Keen. I wake up, wishing I hadn’t, and then Keen drags me out of bed to potty him. I find that the only thing that I’m living for right now is Keen. And for right now, that’s ok. He won’t turn his back on me. I can trust him to drag me out of bed everyday.

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