My mom is going to go see my grandparents who live in the state next door. She will gone for a week at the very least. I have been trying to convince her to let me go with her or at least drop me off to stay with my other grandparents on the way there. I REALLY need a break. And I want to spend that break with people I love and haven’t seen in a while. 

I haven’t been doing so good good psychologically. I have had a set back. Now it seems that every night, when I’m about to finally fall asleep, I have an episode. Oh and man does Keen hate it. He usually lays his whole body on top of mine and licks my face until I come out of it. Him laying on me prevents me from accidentally injuring myself.

Since my anxiety has been acting up, Keen is on edge all the time. He is always watching me and has to be in the same room as me. I stopped at a gas station the other day and left keen in the car so that I get in and out fast. As soon as I went inside, he went nuts. He was barking and crying and trying his best to follow me in. He might have been alerting me and I just don’t end up having a full on episode until that night.

Anyways, I will be left at home alone during the day for the next week or so. I’m not sure I’m ok with it. My psychological health has seemed to plummet over the last few weeks. Now I will be left to my own devices all day long… I’m afraid of what I might and could do.

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