So a common factor that is included with the diagnosis of conversion disorder is anger. And I hate it. I get mad at nothing, for no reason. I often get pissed at Keen when he doesn’t listen, which is not helping him nor I. This morning, I got home from work and I wanted to stick a towel in my truck and I took him out with me while I did it. As soon as I opened the door, he bolted.
I got SO mad! I called him over and over again, and when down a got him, he would sit there and run as soon as I was about to grab him. I wanted to kill him. I eventually got so mad that I just started bawling. I ran back up to the house, went to my room, and screamed into my pillow. My dad got him to come a few minutes after and I was ready to get the bat out to beat him.
So my mom came down and got me to calm down. Then we went to town for a bit (This kind of extreme emotion also leads to an episode). I came home and my watch arrived in the mail. I got it out and tried to set the time, but I couldn’t figure it out so I threw it and started cursing at it in my head. My dad helped me figure it out and got it working.
Then when I got home from work this afternoon, the screen on it got scratched when I was trying to keep Keen from chasing one of our chickens. Yet again, I was ready to kill him. It took me two months to get this watch, and I didn’t even have it 24 hours before it got ruined.
This has not been my best day. A LOT more anger than my typical day… Especially on a weekend. Well wish me luck… I’ll need it.